Dear Friends, Family, Neighbors, and Those of You I Don’t Yet Know —
On Thursday, I’ll be in the hands of a trusted friend as we make our way along the winding road from here to the coast. The road meanders through the redwood forests of the coastal hills and down the other side through artichoke and strawberry fields to the Pacific Ocean. Even though it’s a short trip — less than an hour — I haven’t been out there in three or four years. I’m looking forward to it in a big way. Maybe I’m just in the mood to meander. I know the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. But tonight I invite you to buckle your seat belts and prepare for an issue of Odd Company that gets to its destination through a series of loops and switchbacks.
This morning, as I continued working my way through Robert Sapolsky’s massive book, “Behave,” I came across this interesting bit of information during his discussion of the adolescent brain. “An open mind is a prerequisite for an open heart.” Because the various parts of a human brain develop at different rates, adolescents are peculiarly open to new experiences and new ways of seeing things, and they feel things more intensely than they ever will again. One result of all this is that they are extremely empathetic. They are very good at imagining the pain of others.
But here’s another interesting bit of information. This one applies to all of us, no matter our age. The greater our physical reaction to someone else’s pain, the less likely we are to do something about it. That is, if our own heart rate increases when we imagine someone else’s pain, we are more likely to back away than we are to help. This is why compassion studies emphasize training the mind, usually through meditation. The difference between empathy and compassion is *action.* We can only take action to alleviate suffering (that is, we can only be truly compassionate) if we are capable of gaining a certain amount of detachment from the pain of the sufferer — enough to keep us from getting overwhelmed, anyway.
The unusually open and receptive state of the average adolescent brain also makes these youngsters feel highly connected to others. They understand, in ways that become much harder for us as adults, the fact that independence is an illusion. We are all connected. What harms others harms us. What benefits others also benefits us. This goes some distance toward explaining why young people are the driving force behind efforts to create a greener, healthier Earth and a more peaceful future.
If only those of us who are beyond adolescence could retain that understanding of the powerful connection we share not just with others of our kind, but with all living things, and in fact with *all things,* period!
In searching for a good piece of music to illustrate this and some of the other points I want to make in this issue, I came across this piece by the pop-rap group, The Black Eyed Peas. I confess, I’m not a big fan of rap. I find it hard to get past the level of anger that is usual for rappers. I certainly find it understandable. I’m just not good at detaching from the anger enough to enjoy the music. The Black Eyed Peas are different. Though they are rappers, their lyrics are all about connection and living peacefully with one another. See what you think. I hope you’ll enjoy “One Tribe.” I have some trouble making out all the lyrics, though the message comes through anyway. Here’s a link to the lyrics in case you’d like to read them as you listen.
I have lately been reading a lot of books and essays about citizenship, and the various types of glue that hold a society together. I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel sure that whatever once held us together is failing, and America is coming unglued. Jonathan Haidt believes that trust in each other and in our institutions holds us together, along with shared stories,1 and lately, we’ve been losing all three.
I would add good citizens to that list of glues. The term “citizenship” brings to mind childhood trips to the principal’s office, I know. (Such as mine in Love Explained, the Incident of the Big Stick.) But I’m talking about grown-ups here, people whose brains are fully developed and who understand how fragile and unnatural democracy is. Everyone agrees that good citizens are vital for healthy democracies. But what are the specific qualities that all good citizens share? There are about a bzillion ideas out there about that. But here are a few that pop up regularly.
First and foremost, good citizens believe in something larger than themselves. They understand that they and their families are intertwined with the society in which they live. If the society doesn’t thrive, they themselves can’t thrive and neither can their children. One result of this belief is engagement. You find good citizens everywhere — at meetings of the city council and the PTA, at Rotary Club socials, in union halls and churches, at bake sales.
Good citizens understand the importance of compromise. We rarely get exactly what we want. That is the nature of life, and it’s certainly the nature of government. But if we’re willing to compromise, we’ll get some of what we want, and so will those who disagree with us. In that way, the society as a whole moves forward.
Then there is the list of usual things: Good citizens vote. They speak up. They show up — for meetings, for peaceful protests, for those who need help. If they like a candidate, they work to get them elected. If they don’t like the candidates, they run for office themselves.
Last, but hardly least, good citizens educate themselves, not only about the people they elect, but also about the issues. They seek out more than one point-of-view — not just those they agree with. They try to stay open to new information. They understand that good leaders sometimes change their minds when presented with new information, and that changing your mind for a good reason is just fine.
This last one — educating ourselves — is particularly challenging in our present times. We live in the age of the deliberately distracting. Have you noticed lately how hard it is to get anything done? On the way to the car, we get a text or a phone call. We sit down in front of our computer, check our email, and half an hour later, instead of working or paying the bills or whatever we had in mind, we’re shopping for something we don’t need and didn’t want. We set out to read the news and end up in an obscure chat room somewhere. So a good citizen learns how to pay attention and stay focused.
There are many other attributes of good citizens. But here it is, after midnight, and technically, the dateline on this newsletter is no longer correct. I’d better stop here and get to bed! See you in two weeks. From me to you, this parting gift, a recent poem of mine.
ONE MORE TIME
A good day, cold but clear.
Even lying in bed, conscious
of my heart, its rhythm
lost, a tide of yearning
rises. I want the road
that loops over hills,
among the old redwoods, want
to feel the shiver of
their greeting as I pass,
whispering thanks. I want
the view from the ridge,
the barn, listing to port,
known, loved, umber against
grass, green this time of year,
golden at others, and far off
the soft line of sea joined
with sky. I want to walk
along the shore, swaddled
in wool against wind
that smells of salt and kelp,
my feet shoeless, slapping
wet sand. I want to sit
beside you and watch the waves
rush in and in.
“Why the Past Ten Years of American Life Have Been Uniquely Stupid,” Jonathan Haidt, The Atlantic Magazine, April 11, 2022.