Dear Friends, Family, Neighbors, and Those of You I Don’t Yet Know —
It occurred to me belatedly that a quick primer about how to avoid fisticuffs during the legendarily fraught afternoon and evening of Thanksgiving might be a good idea. Though we gather today to give thanks for all the bounty in our lives — including the people we know and love and sometimes get irritated with — it’s easy to let the eye wander from that ball in the heat of a disagreement. So here are a few quick items to remember:
No preaching. It’s very hard to change someone’s beliefs. It’s sure not going to happen over the turkey, so it’s best to not even try.
Be consciously kind. A little extra kindness goes a long way in any situation.
Be humble. It’s possible that your belief about this or that is mistaken, or is only partly right. You, too, can fall prey to misinformation.
Be respectful. You might disagree with someone, but that doesn’t mean they’re stupid or evil. They have their reasons for thinking what they think. And you just might learn something if you…
Listen. Listening is one of the most basic forms of compassion. People often come to dinner already grouchy because they’re pretty sure they’ll be attacked for what they think.
Don’t just listen. Listen with an open mind and heart and genuine curiosity. This is a Tai Chi move, because your grouchy friend or cousin will be pleasantly taken by surprise and possibly thrown off balance by it. Often, when someone feels genuinely respected and heard, and if they feel they can trust you to be fair and kind, they become more open to the thoughts of others.
Again, no preaching. If you hear yourself saying the word “should,” turn it into, “I really should have some more of that delicious gravy.”
Add a little salt, the zest of one orange, and two tablespoons of Gran Marnier liqueur to the cranberry sauce. Just sayin’.
I am grateful for each of you, my readers. Have a very happy Thanksgiving! Here’s the sainted Bob Marley to ensure it, with “Give Thanks and Praises.” Nothing like a little Rastafarian jerked turkey!