Dear Friends, Neighbors, and Family —
I thought I’d begin this issue of “Odd Company” with some general information about the teachers and students of the compassion class I’m taking, since it’s the rocket fuel that got me to start this publication.
The class began with a three-day “immersive retreat.” I confess, I wondered how immersive it could be, given that it took place via Zoom. But I was surprised and pleased to find my doubts unfounded. Our three instructors, Robert Cusick, Neelama Eyres, and Monica Hanson are co-founders of the Applied Compassion Training program at Stanford, and each is a gifted teacher and a well-known figure in compassion studies. Our class is large — about 120 students! The remote classroom approach makes it possible for people from all over the world to attend. So it’s a diverse group and includes students from many countries. India, South Africa, Hong Kong, Brazil, Mexico, several European nations, Australia, Canada, and the U.S. are represented. I’m sure that’s only a partial list. The result is a wonderfully varied collection of viewpoints and experiences.
To make all this manageable for three instructors, we’re divided into two “cohorts” of sixty students each. The two cohorts meet on different schedules. Each cohort meets once each month for two hours. In addition, we meet monthly in “mentoring groups” of 20. Each mentoring group is assigned to one instructor. Mine is Robert Cusick. On top of all that, each instructor holds virtual office hours, so you can see this class alone keeps them pretty busy.
During the retreat, which took place over a long weekend, we met for four hours the first day and seven hours on each of the other two days. All 60 of us listened to lectures together (including a truly inspiring one from Dr. James Doty, more about whom later), asked questions, and received answers. We broke into smaller groups for practice, conversations about aspects of the lectures, capstone project discussions, and just to get to know one another. (A quick aside about “capstone projects.” One of the course requirements is to design and put into action a project that will bring more compassion into the world. “Odd Company” is part of my project. The other part will be a body of compassion poetry, some of which will probably appear here from time to time.)
In addition to the lectures and conversations, dancing was part of the retreat. Yup. When I saw this in the schedule, I thought it sounded a little weird. Because…well…how would you dance in a Zoom meeting? But considering the length of the days, getting up to move around now and then was physically necessary, and dancing was a fun way to do it. Before the meeting, we emailed suggestions for music. Mine was “Chan Chan,” by Buena Vista Social Club. Nothing quite gets me moving like Cuban music. Periodically throughout the long weekend, we took breaks to shake, rattle, and roll while clapping hands and listening to tunes from all over the world — a great idea all the way around. Plus, we had lunch breaks long enough for a nap. As a person who’s never been able to handle coffee, I try to take at least one catnap each day, so that was more than fine with me.
So…there’s the background. But what did we learn during that long, intense weekend? A lot. Much of it, I’m still absorbing. But we started by taking a look at the definition of compassion, and the ways in which compassion changes those who give it and those who receive it.
Compassion is the desire to alleviate suffering. It’s different from sympathy. Have you ever been the first person to arrive at the scene of a traffic accident and thought, “Oh no, how awful!” but drove on without stopping? That’s sympathy. If you had stopped and done what you could to help, that would have been compassion. The difference is action. Compassion involves taking action to help those who are suffering. The action we take may be something as simple as listening with undivided attention and a genuine interest in understanding. Or it could be something as complicated as freeing someone who is trapped in a wrecked car. The thing is, some sort of action is always required to make compassion manifest in the world.
Suffering is any moment in time when our experience is other than we would prefer it to be. I’m still getting my mind around this one. It seems a little broad to me. I mean, I would prefer it if the cat would refrain from draping her glamorous self over my keyboard right now. But I wouldn’t exactly say she’s making me suffer. It’s more like she’s making me annoyed. Suffering is kind of a loaded word. Every time anyone uses it, I find myself making judgments, and they tend to be snide. Should this situation really be called “suffering,” or is someone just being melodramatic? So maybe it’s okay to use this very broad definition. It doesn’t ask us to make any judgments at all. It only asks us to pay enough attention to see that the person who is having the experience would rather not be having it.
Now let’s back up a little. Three paragraphs ago, I said, “…the ways in which compassion changes those who give it and those who receive it.” Really? Can compassion actually change people? I used to think that a person can never really change. Oh, sure, someone who gets burned a few times doing the same ill-advised thing over and over might eventually change their habits. But deep personality traits? Those never change. We’re born with them and we die with them, right? I certainly thought that, and especially I thought it about myself. Hot-tempered, defensive, and incapable of happiness. A slave to the ever-present angry, chastising voice in my head. No hope of changing basic characteristics like that, is there?
Wrong. There is hope. I know from firsthand experience. But that’s a story for our next issue.
Compassion and Cats
Hey, Nancy--Lori W. here. If you need blurbs from blog readers for your keystone project, let me know. I will be following along for every post.
Good stuff snidely Nancy. I read Doty's book. very compelling. It got me meditating in 2014 after the you know what happened. KT and Eliz were taking courses there. I also borrowed the CD. I misuse Coffee, and I like it. Everyone is suffering from something in their heads...and CCARE and such things related have helped me to strive to be more helpful. Meditate as often as I can, and not to take the big triggers personally. I went to one of the events with Jon Kabat Zin and actually sat next to him for dinner. Now THAT was cool. ~TEU